Sunday, December 22, 2019

The five worst Christmas songs

The Five Worst Christmas Songs (And Scathing Rebuttals) - Squiggly Line Guy, Libertarian Republic:

December 3, 2019 - "The Five Worst Christmas Songs (And Scathing Rebuttals)

I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus
"Listen up kid, you could have starred in your own feel-good Original Hallmark Movie about saving your parents’ marriage on Christmas. Instead you wrote this ridiculous song. You could have tipped your father off without making a complete fool of him on the radio. I’m sure you’re sitting there wondering what’s taking him so long to get back home with that pack of cigarettes he went out for....

Last Christmas
"You whiny emo douchebag.... Did it ever occur to you that there is more than one day a year? It’s rather insulting to not pay attention to someone the other 364 days and then act like you’re the 2nd Coming of Jesus on Christmas. But the very next day it was back to playing video games and watching sports ALL THE TIME. Who could blame her for junking that? Get over yourself, and quit making her out to be the problem. This has been happening to you every year since 1984....

White Christmas ...
"A good Christmas song needs to be universally applicable. Southern states don’t even get snow. The concept of dreaming of a White Christmas doesn’t even make sense to people in the South. [Correction: We have been informed by David Duke that dreaming of a White Christmas makes perfect sense to people in the South]

The Christmas Shoes
"Look, I know that we’re trying to be as inclusive as possible here … but the whole Mommy got cancer for Christmas [thing] is seriously jumping the shark....

You're a Mean One, Mr Grinch ...
"Did you all ever think that maybe The Grinch is the way he is because every five minutes someone is singing a song about what a piece of [crap] he is? Look, there’s only so much that someone can take. Maybe he didn’t hate Christmas. Maybe he hated The Whos and their stupid moobs that stick out past their bellies and their dumb songs and Mitt Romney look-a-like mayors.... Like, ... I could have been taking a nap with the Lorax but instead I’m stuck in a snowy cave having to hear all the Noise Noise NOISE?"

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